Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Desperate Diaries

“God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Late Robin Williams

It’s been 4 years since I had changed my Facebook status from committed to single. I haven’t been so fortunate to change it back ever since. And believe me, all those glorifying-the-single-status ideologies seem rubbish if the wait is so long. More so, when the times get desperate. By now, I must tell you this blog does not eulogize the concept of eternal love. I have been there and done that (unfortunately limiting ourselves to kisses and hugs!). It underlines the ground reality of middle age crisis which demands a physical catharsis. It’s an honest rant from a desperate guy.

It’s about the void that your body feels when you have to play with yourself. Not day after day, but year after year. I simply don’t have the time or appetite for emotional connect. Moreover, with the 30s becoming new 20s, I can get ample time for filling that gap. But the 20s and its older siblings will not let me rest at peace while I am single.

For me there are three forces that work in tandem, and against my (lustful) wishes. First, having been once bitten, I am twice shy. I don’t want to fall in the pit of commitment any more. One simply does not pull out of it on the strength of promises. Second, I don’t want to betray anyone. These two ingredients brewed with my desperation, serve a perfect perplexity. Speaking in programming terms, if I is equal to commit then get laid else regret. I would have loved some girl who had evolved to my consciousness where sex is just a need as much as food. But rather they see it as ‘Prasad’. Blessed be the soul that enters the realm of commitment. So either I lie about love, or I lie engaged in DIY. But I don’t blame the girls (as if they mind me blaming), for here comes the third force- Indian society. It cultivates in us values and ethics that mortify sex, especially with women involved. And no, that doesn't mean you can get lucky with men either, not that I would like to.

It just means that sex is perceived as subjugation of women. Men having multiple affairs are virile, while as women having multiple affairs are promiscuous. Good for one gender, bad for another! Women have to abstain from this heinous crime. Seems sex would not have been such a hushed up matter had women not been involved in the act. Why such discrimination? Bad luck for honest fellows like us. If sex was weighed on equal scale, instead of degrading women involved, might be we would have been luckier. Cos then the other gender would not have been afraid of any sexual guilt.

The very concept of having sex is biased in India. If you know the Hindi slang, it’s always a guy fucks a girl, for the literal meaning of it. Of course many a times the prettier gender takes the honour in metaphorical world. Why never the other way around in real world! I would have definitely loved to hear a girl say me, “I wanna fuck you.” (wonder how it might sound in Hindi). I mean it’s a mutual act. We fuck each other, on literal terms. That’s where English has an edge- they say ‘make love’. Very dignifying either ways!

Going deeper into the problem, or whatever you would like to call it, this bias has reinforced itself slowly due our family structure. Sex is a matter never to be discussed on the dinning table. Channels are shuffled during kissing scenes. The person with the remote, the onus on him, prays earnestly for the couple to stop. Now in such a tight lipped situation, boys in the house generally get greater freedom. They can go out at odd times, have night outs, and enjoy. While for girls, their maximum time is spent at home. Boys can share sexual matters with friends, watch porn, or if lucky, get laid. Girls on the other hand are bound to the domestic structure for most part of their life. Boys can share ‘the great sex’ story with friends in hostel room, at smoke kiosk, or even on the bike. When and with whom will the girls share it? Parents- NO! Her best friend living in the sacred boundary of her house- no. No one knows their story, and no one wants to be the first to share it. Once the abridged chapter on sex in their school is closed, it’s closed for life.

Now if you say times are changing, girls are getting equal opportunities, I would totally agree with you. Times are changing, girls are getting equal opportunities and so are the most undeserving of my acquaintances. Getting laid, every single one of them. Certainly times are changing. But never for blokes like me, the fortune of whose runs dry like the maddening sand in Thar.   

And, focusing on my scope of problem instead of digressing to a macroscopic level. With so much time invested on futile pursuits, I believe when God decreed sex as a forbidden fruit, He definitely had me in mind. Desire gave way to desperation when those lucky fellows finally had their call. Now, I am the only one carrying the stonel of my virginity. That would be a virtue for a female counterpart, but for a male, it’s utterly frustrating at societal, as well as individual level. Whenever I ask my female friends about that burning desire, I always get a negative response. They never have the urge, or when they have it they divert their mind, and so on. Referring to the quote on the top, it seems women have been blessed with high blood supply.

Last night totally frustrated, dejected, or perhaps enlightened, I decided to put an end to the pursuit of this mirage of happiness. Hope of the future poisons the present. To get the load off my mind was much more important than to get it off the other part. The prettier gender had to be wrapped and buried in the abyss of my mind, heart and of course those body organs. No more chats, no more fantasies, no more prayers. I had to be a horse with blinders, running straight for my career goals.

Feeling relieved and light on my shoulders, I went to bed. And just before closing my eyes, I tapped the Facebook app on my phone, out of habit. And there it was, photo of a beautiful girl, a girl I had known only on Facebook. A girl who would sometimes talk to me, with God-knows-what-intentions. She always says she has a boyfriend, but deep down (or low down) I believe it is a decoy. A decoy to unearth my intentions. It had come upon me to forge an alliance without a commitment. My blood began to run, and again, it failed to make way to my brain.

Friday, 19 June 2015

David Nutter, the director of Game of Thrones, to do an Ekta Kapoor!

David Nutter, the director who has come of age with Game of Thrones, has now got his calling. The latest season of the sitcom came to an end recently, yet again killing one of the lead characters. Only this time it’s different. It’s a Godsend opportunity for the great director to join the league of extraordinary showmen, no gender bias there, like Ekta Kapoor.

The death of Jon Snow, has seen a huge outcry from the public, read the Indian public. The social media has been RIPped apart by the condolences pouring in from all quarters. Those that do not know who Jon Snow was, might confuse him with some legend. But mortal that he was, his redemption awaits at the hands of the director.

The intensity of this outcry feebly matches one of the times when Mihir Virani, in Ekta Kapoor’s flagship production Kyuki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, translated on Wikipedia as Because a Mother-in-law was once a Daughter-in-law, too or BAMWOADT, was killed. It was a revelation that shot Ekta Kapoor from being a great showman to a legend. After all, the only person to carry out the feat before Mihir Virani was around 2000 years back. Jesus! And He had failed to have a facelift in the comeback!

David Nutter, notoriously eliminates the characters who shot to high fame in each of his seasons thereby maintaining the balance of power and payment. However, everybody has his quantum of luck, and David’s chance is now. None of the martyrs had received such heartfelt condolence from the audience. And the love is so great that tributes are not limited to Jon Snow but also extend to ‘John Snow’, ‘Jhon Snow’ and sometimes 'Kaun Snow?'.

The million dollar question is will David take the leap of faith? Or will he still be the mundane director killing multiple characters without the power to bring them back to life. It’s not in the blood of every showman to stage such stupendous turn of events and take the whole arena of showmanship to the next level. Does David Nutter have it in him? Is he ‘game enough’?

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Devil's Dilemma

Disillusioned or enlightened?
Anxious or frightened?
What the darkness hides?
What’s at the tunnel's end?

This face that I have worn for long,
Now I have to take it down.
Chaos, lust, wrath, pride,
All that I am, nothing to pretend.

But wrong that I am,
This mask is (my) right.
 A beautiful lie that reflects this world,
A beautiful world, that’s but gonna end.

Why do I hate it?
Better decorate it with a smile!
That which brings me love,
My power to deceive, hurt and sustain.

Wear it still,
And the world be mine.
But love is a parasite.
Pleasure is begotten by hatred and pain.

To be or not to be?
This mask is not me.
Chaos, lust, wrath, pride,
That’s all that I am. 

Saturday, 30 November 2013

Never Blow a Job

If you don’t want to blow a job then insert your finger into your brain and point out what you have got inside your grey matter that others do not have. Generally it is seen that men who have very long experience and women who have very deep insight make out to the top of the table. Whether you get it the hard way or the wet way, shedding tears all over, if you love a job - grab it.

You should properly determine what kind of job you like - a hand, mouth, tongue or brain job. Your slippery tongue can be very useful in getting job done if you are in sales profile. But if you want a desk job then it is advisable to gulp down the sticky words into your deep throat. During a desk job, when you are having pleasure working on something creative don’t talk much. Else your words may get conjugated with office politics and all the moans and screams will go in vain and you will be left with only a blown job.

When you have a hard on instinctive feel about a certain sphere, grab it. Otherwise you will wet down your handkerchief with tears getting a wrong job and no satisfaction at all. Satisfaction after each job is a necessity. When you feel you are not getting satisfaction of a job - go deeper. Search for the G spot, the Great Spot, where you can fit with ease and pleasure.

Sometimes changing the position also helps a lot. In terms of HR it is said ‘Job Enrichment’. Many HRs do the mistake of ‘Enlargement’ instead of ‘Enrichment’. Enlargement simply creates a performance pressure as the employee may have to hump a lot more than what he or she is capable of while the load may never get discharged.

Certainly in this paced world playing with yourself and your career can end you up in frustration. You always have to spread your legs and hands, reach out for the farthest opportunity. Grab every ball you see out there, whether it is in your court or your competitor’s. In this cut throat era of competition you might get short of someone to ride over with one another during rough times. Forget the long jobs, you might not even find someone to do even a small job such as a doggie bath.

But never give up. Use your hands, your mouth or even your legs, dig deep and get a job which you dream of every time night falls and sun rises and get satisfied. But never give up.

Disclaimer: The views given in the passage are personal and the author is not a HR guy. Neither is he a counselor.  He is a copywriter with weak English (not a hard one) and so the dissatisfied HR blew job him.                 

Thursday, 6 June 2013

The eternity of love.

The temperature is fine, just around 20 degrees. I am witnessing the most amazing love story consummating into marriage, a very handsome man marrying a very beautiful woman. I could have well used the superlative degree with both the adjectives in describing them. Their love life had seen many ups and downs but their love persisted, love is eternal as we know. Another very beautiful lady is sitting beside me, full with joy and anxiety for the couple. The two of us have known of each other’s existence since the beginning of the love story that I have talked about. I wonder whether our relation will also culminate in such a way!!

But how much can a man do to woo a lady in two hours?? The odds are even less when 85% of her concentration is on the screen, 10% on her accomplices and only 5% on the boy sitting next to her, ogling her time to time. If her accomplice is a guy with good looks and attitude then the stats change dramatically. Any ray of hope that the touching “eternal love” theme of the film, of which we have been a joint (read couple) witness, would have aroused would be instantly doused.

Anyways, the film has ended, as always on a happy note. Both of us leave the hall. As soon as we get out of the building, reality strikes me. She goes to the parking lot with her family. I have to wait for an auto. It is a June Sunday noon, temperature around 45 degrees. No auto in sight. About 10 minutes after she passed by me in her Honda Accord. This time she has got 100% concentration on her mobile. No auto yet. Few buses ply on that route. Think will have to make a break journey on bus.

By the way, how many of us have witnessed eternal love? Perhaps none, or none to my knowledge. We all feel that love is eternal only while we are in a relationship and only for that relationship. Once out of a relationship, we move on, get a new person and again fall in a love bond that, perhaps, is second or third time eternal. So what is eternity in love if we can forget so easily and move on? Why do we keep buying these bluffs from the filmmakers? They have completely romanticized the idea of love, saying true love can happen with only one person and it will linger on for a life time, and this idea is impossible in today’s world.  Yet we are just too happy buying all these stuffs from the movie makers.


In the earlier days, marriages used to happen very early in life and divorce would have been as impossible as the word itself in Hitler’s dictionary. And of course one intelligent person should have loved the person with whom he had to spend the whole life. Even now the people who are married will vehemently oppose my idea that love is not eternal but ephemeral because they are bound to love a person for their whole life. But before the marriage who knows how many eternal loves they have witnessed. If Indian society had been so open to divorce as the western society, then there would have been little cry on ‘eternity’ of love. Perhaps that is why Hollywood makes such successful movies on a variety of topics, while as in India most successful movies hover around the idea of love or even if it is not centered on the theme of love there must be an element in it.

On the other hand, there is one more hypocritical ideology in the country – love is not based on physical attribute, but on the beauty of heart. My dear friends, if all you see is beauty of heart and no physical discrimination then what is the problem in a man loving a man with a beautiful heart or a woman loving a woman with a beautiful heart? What perturbs you with such a relationship? Or maybe you should say that love seeks a beautiful heart but only in opposite sex.

Now you may believe that I am raising a voice for the people who do not have straight sexual orientation for I myself would be a gay. There can be nothing further from reality. I was in a relationship with, seemingly, the most beautiful girl in the world. She moved on, never imagined so, and I am alive while as I could not have imagined my life without her.

All of you and the film industry should stop the farce romanticizing love. It’s a feeling just like any other. It starts with attraction, there is desire for physical proximity and is not eternal, unless you are bound. It happens once, it can also happen twice, thrice or as many times as you can count. We keep looking for a person whom we can confide with all our secrets, share our joy and griefs, get intimate, enjoy life and forget our ex. As soon as we get that person we fall into another episode of eternal love.    

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

I am not a machine

Hello all. This is my first blog. So I may fairly assume that I may be granted a few mistakes. Moreover, I am not a machine that is perfect and makes no mistake ( of course when perfectly tuned). Even machines make mistake at times. Perfection is God and you will easily believe me if I say that I am not God.
My friends say that I am a confused guy. Earlier I used to doubt it, but of late I have begun to believe that I am a confused person. It might seem strange but I have started to like being confused. It makes me unpredictable. Now the only thing that is constant about me is being inconsistent. Even as I write this blog I do not have any idea as to what I have to write next because I have not planned it. Planning is not something you can relate with my name. What if I plan it today and I am dead tomorrow. For me the best way to live is take life head on.
I would have continued my way without giving it a second thought but the problem is that I have got a girl whom I love very much and I will have to change myself if I have to marry her. Now she is the sweetest girl on this planet ( you may have your reasons to attack me now, but, beauty lies in the eyes of beholder) while as her parents are not so sweet. For them love is not the only thing required for a decent life, not even to get married. For getting married I have to be perfect. I have to be handsome (which fortunately I am), well mannered, rich and whatever you can imagine. Now I am a kind of guy who hates money as money is the bone of contention in every dispute. However for the better future of ours, I have decided to earn( mind you, not more than what we need for a peaceful life). But the second problem still remains- how can I be perfect?
 All the problems get started from here. I don't want to be perfect. To err is human. Of course I am ready to give up the bad habits but perfection is too much to ask from a person. It will make me a machine, devoid of all the feelings. Only if I have some imperfections then can I awe at the marvel of others, then can I laugh at the follies of others, then can I desire to learn. Without these imperfections life would become so dull. If I am a machine I will lose my spontaneity and work according to the information that has already been fed to me. How will I wonder?
For all the great inventions and discoveries there had to be imperfections which led people to think and act. In this sense there can only be two possibilities- either the planet was perfect from the time of Adam and Eve or there will be imperfections till the last man breaths on this planet. Since we all know that the former is not the case, the latter has got to be true. In the same way either I had to be born a machine or I will happily enjoy one folly or the other till I am dead.