Nemesis

All my life I have been an adventure freak. Always looked for breathtaking expeditions...live my life to the fullest. I have always wanted to make a career in adventure sports since, like most of us, I too hate studies. But today, a thought crossed my mind. What can be more adventurous than going through the labyrinthine course of a book? What can be more hazardous to our brains than those concepts which tear the nerves apart? Breathtaking, it seemed.

I began to feel like a warrior...books being my enemy. Each one tried to suffocate me under its weight. But I could not have given up. I decided to fight till my last breath. 'Adventure lies in dissipating the fear of the unknown' and I could not let the books scare me any more. No more. I shall fight.

I was Achilles, I was Beowulf, I was Ulysses; ready to trample any book that came in my way. Vanquish all that arrogant little masses of papers. Ruthlessness personified, I began my quest.

The first page came roaring at me with letters in ominous black. I could hear the wolves howl, the owls cry, and the wind rush to take shelter and leave the planet into a void. 'Oh! so much of agony and grieve for that page' I thought.

"Save your tears for the days to come, o friends of dirty books, for the future beholds in its palm destruction. For long have these books slaughtered the happiness of me and my folks. For long have they ruled us. But no more. I have a will strong as the metal that was cast into Thor's hammer. Determined for revenge, I shall forgive none."

My words thundered and I started. Each line came to me with full force but I pulverized every single one of them, deciphering the meaning of each and every formidable word. Their grotesqueness could not stop me and I went on and on, dissipating the fear of every ugly little line that pounced at me. I had torn apart each one of them, none could conceal any meaning from me. The page was devoured.

Now, at the end of the page I am thrilled. Not by the little knowledge that it provided, but for having successfully trodden a path never ventured before.
I have made all my folks proud and shown them a way. Battle has been won, but the war remains.

However, the fatigue of that single page has taken toll on me. I am overwhelmed. I am trying to turn the page but my head is heavy, my arms are unable to move.
I am losing consciousness. I am falling asleep. But don't cry, don't lose hope.I shall be back in a couple of hours and carry on the war. I shall certainly complete the next page.

My exam starts in less than a month...I have to wage a war against the books...zzzzzzzz...zzzz...zz

Desperate Diaries

“God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Late Robin Williams

It’s been 4 years since I had changed my Facebook status from committed to single. I haven’t been so fortunate to change it back ever since. And believe me, all those glorifying-the-single-status ideologies seem rubbish if the wait is so long. More so, when the times get desperate. By now, I must tell you this blog does not eulogize the concept of eternal love. I have been there and done that (unfortunately limiting ourselves to kisses and hugs!). It underlines the ground reality of middle age crisis which demands a physical catharsis. It’s an honest rant from a desperate guy.

It’s about the void that your body feels when you have to play with yourself. Not day after day, but year after year. I simply don’t have the time or appetite for emotional connect. Moreover, with the 30s becoming new 20s, I can get ample time for filling that gap. But the 20s and its older siblings will not let me rest at peace while I am single.

For me there are three forces that work in tandem, and against my (lustful) wishes. First, having been once bitten, I am twice shy. I don’t want to fall in the pit of commitment any more. One simply does not pull out of it on the strength of promises. Second, I don’t want to betray anyone. These two ingredients brewed with my desperation, serve a perfect perplexity. Speaking in programming terms, if I is equal to commit then get laid else regret. I would have loved some girl who had evolved to my consciousness where sex is just a need as much as food. But rather they see it as ‘Prasad’. Blessed be the soul that enters the realm of commitment. So either I lie about love, or I lie engaged in DIY. But I don’t blame the girls (as if they mind me blaming), for here comes the third force- Indian society. It cultivates in us values and ethics that mortify sex, especially with women involved. And no, that doesn't mean you can get lucky with men either, not that I would like to.

It just means that sex is perceived as subjugation of women. Men having multiple affairs are virile, while as women having multiple affairs are promiscuous. Good for one gender, bad for another! Women have to abstain from this heinous crime. Seems sex would not have been such a hushed up matter had women not been involved in the act. Why such discrimination? Bad luck for honest fellows like us. If sex was weighed on equal scale, instead of degrading women involved, might be we would have been luckier. Cos then the other gender would not have been afraid of any sexual guilt.

The very concept of having sex is biased in India. If you know the Hindi slang, it’s always a guy fucks a girl, for the literal meaning of it. Of course many a times the prettier gender takes the honour in metaphorical world. Why never the other way around in real world! I would have definitely loved to hear a girl say me, “I wanna fuck you.” (wonder how it might sound in Hindi). I mean it’s a mutual act. We fuck each other, on literal terms. That’s where English has an edge- they say ‘make love’. Very dignifying either ways!

Going deeper into the problem, or whatever you would like to call it, this bias has reinforced itself slowly due our family structure. Sex is a matter never to be discussed on the dinning table. Channels are shuffled during kissing scenes. The person with the remote, the onus on him, prays earnestly for the couple to stop. Now in such a tight lipped situation, boys in the house generally get greater freedom. They can go out at odd times, have night outs, and enjoy. While for girls, their maximum time is spent at home. Boys can share sexual matters with friends, watch porn, or if lucky, get laid. Girls on the other hand are bound to the domestic structure for most part of their life. Boys can share ‘the great sex’ story with friends in hostel room, at smoke kiosk, or even on the bike. When and with whom will the girls share it? Parents- NO! Her best friend living in the sacred boundary of her house- no. No one knows their story, and no one wants to be the first to share it. Once the abridged chapter on sex in their school is closed, it’s closed for life.

Now if you say times are changing, girls are getting equal opportunities, I would totally agree with you. Times are changing, girls are getting equal opportunities and so are the most undeserving of my acquaintances. Getting laid, every single one of them. Certainly times are changing. But never for blokes like me, the fortune of whose runs dry like the maddening sand in Thar.   

And, focusing on my scope of problem instead of digressing to a macroscopic level. With so much time invested on futile pursuits, I believe when God decreed sex as a forbidden fruit, He definitely had me in mind. Desire gave way to desperation when those lucky fellows finally had their call. Now, I am the only one carrying the stonel of my virginity. That would be a virtue for a female counterpart, but for a male, it’s utterly frustrating at societal, as well as individual level. Whenever I ask my female friends about that burning desire, I always get a negative response. They never have the urge, or when they have it they divert their mind, and so on. Referring to the quote on the top, it seems women have been blessed with high blood supply.

Last night totally frustrated, dejected, or perhaps enlightened, I decided to put an end to the pursuit of this mirage of happiness. Hope of the future poisons the present. To get the load off my mind was much more important than to get it off the other part. The prettier gender had to be wrapped and buried in the abyss of my mind, heart and of course those body organs. No more chats, no more fantasies, no more prayers. I had to be a horse with blinders, running straight for my career goals.

Feeling relieved and light on my shoulders, I went to bed. And just before closing my eyes, I tapped the Facebook app on my phone, out of habit. And there it was, photo of a beautiful girl, a girl I had known only on Facebook. A girl who would sometimes talk to me, with God-knows-what-intentions. She always says she has a boyfriend, but deep down (or low down) I believe it is a decoy. A decoy to unearth my intentions. It had come upon me to forge an alliance without a commitment. My blood began to run, and again, it failed to make way to my brain.

David Nutter, the director of Game of Thrones, to do an Ekta Kapoor!

David Nutter, the director who has come of age with Game of Thrones, has now got his calling. The latest season of the sitcom came to an end recently, yet again killing one of the lead characters. Only this time it’s different. It’s a Godsend opportunity for the great director to join the league of extraordinary showmen, no gender bias there, like Ekta Kapoor.

The death of Jon Snow, has seen a huge outcry from the public, read the Indian public. The social media has been RIPped apart by the condolences pouring in from all quarters. Those that do not know who Jon Snow was, might confuse him with some legend. But mortal that he was, his redemption awaits at the hands of the director.

The intensity of this outcry feebly matches one of the times when Mihir Virani, in Ekta Kapoor’s flagship production Kyuki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi, translated on Wikipedia as Because a Mother-in-law was once a Daughter-in-law, too or BAMWOADT, was killed. It was a revelation that shot Ekta Kapoor from being a great showman to a legend. After all, the only person to carry out the feat before Mihir Virani was around 2000 years back. Jesus! And He had failed to have a facelift in the comeback!

David Nutter, notoriously eliminates the characters who shot to high fame in each of his seasons thereby maintaining the balance of power and payment. However, everybody has his quantum of luck, and David’s chance is now. None of the martyrs had received such heartfelt condolence from the audience. And the love is so great that tributes are not limited to Jon Snow but also extend to ‘John Snow’, ‘Jhon Snow’ and sometimes 'Kaun Snow?'.

The million dollar question is will David take the leap of faith? Or will he still be the mundane director killing multiple characters without the power to bring them back to life. It’s not in the blood of every showman to stage such stupendous turn of events and take the whole arena of showmanship to the next level. Does David Nutter have it in him? Is he ‘game enough’?

Devil's Dilemma

Disillusioned or enlightened?

Anxious or frightened?

What the darkness hides?

What’s at the tunnel's end?

This face that I have worn for long,

Now I have to take it down.

Chaos, lust, wrath, pride,

All that I am, nothing to pretend.

But wrong that I am,

This mask is (my) right.

 A beautiful lie that reflects this world,

A beautiful world, that’s but gonna end.

Why do I hate it?

Better decorate it with a smile!

That which brings me love,

My power to deceive, hurt and sustain.

Wear it still,

And the world be mine.

But love is a parasite.

Pleasure is begotten by hatred and pain.

To be or not to be?

This mask is not me.

Chaos, lust, wrath, pride,

That’s all that I am.